We’ve all been there – boy meets girl, passion and lust turns into something more and before we know it we’re in a complicated relationship that is as amazing as it is rough.
Month’s later things take a turn for the worse and at some point it ends in anger, frustration and heartbreak.
We were crushed. We still are.
We think about this girl all the time and it doesn’t matter how much time passes we simply can’t get her out of our heads. We become consumed with reuniting with them, rekindling the relationship and making it better than it was the last time. Break ups are rarely passive – they’re explosive and there’s a lot of emotion and hurt involved. Whether it was you who initiated the break up or your ex, or if it was a unanimous decision – both parties are going to be hurt. If this sounds familiar you may want to stick around because we’re going to going tell you why it’s possible to get your ex girlfriend back – and how to do it but, first we’re going to make sure that you understand the implications and - the risks.
Accept it & move on
If you’ve recently gone through a breakup – recent meaning anything from an hour to a week, your wounds are raw and you will need to take some time and clear your head a little. Seriously, you need to sleep on it for a while. Let it sink in, get angry, go out with your mates and get wasted – just let things take their natural course because if you’re anything like the rest of us – you’re probably holding your emotions back – and it’s not helping. If you think your ex is out having a good time – you may be right but, the recent breakup is hurting her too – and unless she’s a coldblooded sociopath (in which case you shouldn’t be looking to get her back), she really is hurting too. Knowing this may give you some satisfaction but it’s short lived since women tend to feel a mass of hurt straight after a breakup but recover fully soon after and never look back whereas men keep things bottled up – and end up staying “broken” for way longer than necessary. Feel whatever emotions you need to feel and then get over it. The problem is that when the breakup is fresh you’re in panic-mode. You think it’s helpless and that they’re gone forever – you took it too far this time - but you’re probably wrong. The only way that someone will ever say no to getting back with their ex is when they, in their minds have already let the relationship go. This could’ve happened weeks before the breakup – they may have realized that you don’t have what they want and that they’re better off with someone else – or even alone. They’ve already broken up with you – maybe you just hurt them too much or maybe they just don’t feel you're the one for them. You may be afraid that this is what’s happened with you but, this is far less common than you could possibly imagine. If you got together, had a relationship and stayed with them for a while – then the like and love was and probably still is, there.
Since you have history with your ex, you know how they think, you know what their habits are and you can take a good guess at how they’re handling the break-up and somewhere deep in your mind – you know exactly if they’ll have you back or not. If it’s been more than a year since the breakup and you're still in love with the person – then it’s a bit more complicated since chances are high that they’ve moved on but – if you still love her after all this time, you owe it to yourself to at least try and get them back because if you don’t - you’ll regret it for longer than a year.
Face the facts
The most important thing to do is understand the real reason that the breakup happened. It’s not because you showed up late or left the cat outside or any of the small, mundane things that couples fight about. There is certainly a “bigger” reason – maybe you cheated on her, maybe she cheated, maybe you got tired of her constant bitching, maybe she wasn’t impressed by your flirtatious behavior with every woman you could lay your eyes on. If it wasn’t a big reason than it was probably a lot of small things that built up over time; you were always late, you constantly undermined her, you were not supportive, you lied about everything for no reason, you were a messed up mess, you don’t have time – you get the point right? Big reason or lot’s of small reasons - let’s get one thing straight – if you’ve ever broken up before this – chances are really high that even if you do manage to get back with her, you’ll end up breaking it off again – and probably for the same reasons. This may not be exactly what you want to hear but it’s a fact now that you’ve now discovered breaking up isn’t a permanent thing. You get addicted to the cycle of fighting – breaking-up – pursuing – making up. Why? Staying together for 12 months doesn’t feel as good as staying for only 2 and then simply returning for another round of passionate make-up sex. There is nothing more destructive than entering this vicious cycle – except staying in it. Since you now know that breaking up isn’t exactly permanent so you're willing to take the risk of doing it, just so you can have the satisfaction of telling them you are fed up with their crap and you don’t want them anymore – so you can hurt her. Yes – hurt her because you feel that she has hurt you. To put things plainly - if it’s not the first time – just accept that it’s probably not going to work and you're probably better of moving on with your life. In addition, if the reason that you broke up was a really serious matter – like cheating or perhaps she wanted to have children and you didn’t – it’s best you steer clear and focus on getting over it rather than fixing it.
If you think that it’s unfair to say that it’s not worth a fifth attempt; then you have to come up with a very good reason that this time will be different. What has really changed? What happened that changed something inside you - that will change the outcome of this repetitive cycle? If you can provide a valid reason, yes – go for it, get her back but, if not – be a man and get over it.
So you’ve decided you want her back – now what?
The best way to get your ex back is to cut off all contact with your ex – and stick to it. You will have a better chance of getting them back in the future if you don’t go crawling back to them right away. Don’t send nasty messages, don’t send nice messages, don’t beg or yell. Don’t do anything. Ignore them. Why? Firstly because it shows that you're strong and will make them really curious as to what’s going on in your life that you haven’t even bothered to contact them – and this will work out in your favor. Its unfortunately human nature – we want what we can’t get and don’t really want what we can get so easily – use this to your advantage. Don’t contact them for at least three months for the following reason; 1 month = I just miss you nothing has changed, 2 months = I went out with other people but couldn’t hit it off with any of them and 3 = I really have feelings for you and think we may still have a chance. If you choose to go after them before the three months is over – you’ll regret it later because both of you wouldn’t have had the time to get over previous hurt and you're not doing it for the right reasons so chances are high that you’ll break up again. If you're not over everything that happened it won’t be possible to have a successful relationship no matter how badly you think you want it.
Work on yourself & have fun
You need to do is make darn sure you keep yourself busy at all times. Start working on yourself; the best way to do this is by getting in shape – now is the perfect time for you to get the body you’ve always wanted. Start eating the right foods for bodybuilding and hit the gym. Go out and buy some new clothes and accessories so you can boost your confidence and get prepared to meet new people. Yes that’s right, even if it’s your ex-girlfriend that you want, you need to meet new people and the best way to do it is by joining a few dating sites. If you don’t have a lot of friends – start making some. Redecorate or rearrange you're house. Go on a short holiday. All these things will help you build up your confidence and you may be surprised find that at the end of it all you're not even interested in your ex anymore. This self-improvement period can help you make sure that you really want your ex back and it will increase the chances that you can get them back. Once you’ve gone out and improved yourself – you're ex will be intrigued by your new found success. She’ll wonder why you're thriving on your own in ways you couldn’t when you were together and this is exactly what you want her to be thinking. If you sit at home all depressed you’ll do nothing more than show her that breaking up with you was the best thing she ever did. You may not even have to initiate contact – they may hear about how well you're doing through the grapevine and decide they want to see you.
Initiating contact - after 3 months
So let’s say you’ve been apart for more than three months and you're still really sure that you want to be with this person. What do you do how do you get in touch with them again? This depends on the person really and you need to think about what would be the best way, based on what you know about her. If she’s a very straight forward person or doesn’t really like texts – call her up. If she is an avid emailer – email her and if she text’s a lot then, text her. If you’ve lost her number or she’s changed it, you can easily get it from friend you have in common or from the internet. Maybe you can send her a message on Facebook? If all ties are broken send them a letter by post. If they’ve moved, send it to her parent’s place. If all these seem a bit too impersonal or you think a face-to-face encounter may work best– you could always bump into her - accidently on purpose. How on earth do you get this right? You dated them you know their routines and schedules – did they go shopping in the afternoon, morning? Where did they shop? Where’s their favorite ice-cream place? When did they normally go? Just think long and hard and you’ll certainly come up with a valid idea that won’t leave you waiting in the same coffee shop for a month. If you have mutual friends that may know where they’d be and know they won’t mention anything ask them – but don’t make it obvious – try ask what they doing and get into it from there. Obviously if at any point she indicates that she wants to be left alone – respect her wishes and don’t pursue things any further.
Once you do this you’ll instinctively know whether they’re keen or not – and you should tell them you’d like to meet up and catch up – if they say yes than you’ve basically gotten the job done already. Why? Because no one will ever meet up with an ex unless they’re into the idea of getting back together with them – end of story. Don’t mention that you’ve been dating, don’t mention your breakup or be offensive towards her in anyway. Just be friendly, confident and as casual as possible.
So how do you get an ex back? By letting her go until the time is right again. While you remain separated from her – work on yourself and enjoy your freedom - go out and make some new friends or meet a few companions. If you have absolutely no intention of being in any sort of relationship – than why not gather your boys and head for an adult entertainment venue to take your mind off things for a while? When the time comes and you can look at things with a whole different set of eyes – get hold of her and make the magic happen.